Has anyone else noticed that society has seemingly decided to skip Thanksgiving the past few years? I miss seeing fall decorations for November but everyone is jumping from Halloween to Christmas overnight. It’s such a wonderful and special day to slow down, be with family, talk about what we are grateful for, play board games, drink hot chocolate, and all the those little things that make November and December so magical. So here is my pitch to bring it back! By focusing on being thankful and how gratitude can improve our quality of life, we can see the importance of celebrating a holiday dedicated just to the practice of gratitude.
The power of gratitude on our health
If you haven’t heard of the concept of having a gratitude practice (ad nauseam) over the last few years then you may have been living under a rock. For me it was definitely a life-changing practice. I take the time every morning to sit quietly for about 15-20 minutes and just reflect on what I have to be grateful for that happened any time within the last twenty-four hours. I like to come up with at least five things but you should figure out what works for you. But why even take the time to do this little practice in the first place? What can it do for your mind, body, and soul?
In the article, 10 Ways to practice gratitude and the benefits, as found on calm.com, “Gratitude, in its simplest form, is the act of feeling grateful for what you have. It can be directed toward people, events, circumstances, or even intangible things like good health or personal growth. It involves recognizing and acknowledging each moment that makes us realize the goodness we have around us.” One phrase I fell in love with that was used by a leading expert on gratitude, Robert Emmons, is that gratitude is “an affirmation of goodness”.
Some of the health benefits include a boost to positive emotions, lower blood pressure, stronger immune system, better sleep, it encourages generosity and compassion, can improve our relationships and resiliency, and can even enhance our self-esteem. So definitely worth giving it a try, right?
What are some different ways to practice gratitude?
The Thanksgiving holiday is one day focused on gratitude, but what if we took this day and turned it into something we do every day? While the basic “gratitude practice” most people refer to is primarily having a gratitude journal, there are so many great opportunities to bring gratitude into our lives at almost any moment. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Try a gratitude meditation: I use the Calm app which my favorite gratitude series ranging in time from 10 to 20 minutes
Take a moment to tell someone how thankful you are for them
Create a gratitude jar: this is one of my favorites and something I’m starting in January, putting in one item per week that I’ll review at the end of the year
Volunteer or give back: when we take a moment to see how others may be struggling it puts our own beautiful lives into perspective
What if a gratitude practice is not your thing?
There are so many ways to experience the benefits of gratitude without having an official practice of any kind. For you, this might look like simple meditation or practicing small acts of kindness like holding the door for someone or sharing a genuine smile with a stranger. This momentary burst of joy you gain can change the trajectory of your day, hey, maybe even your life if you do it enough.
I hope you heed the call to “take back Thanksgiving!” and spend this special day creating those core memories with your family based on a foundation of gratitude! Happy Thanksgiving!!!
“Habits are the invisible architecture of daily life. We repeat about 40 percent of our behavior almost daily, so our habits shape our existence, and our future. If we change our habits, we change our lives.” ~ Gretchen Rubin
Rubin, Gretchen. Better Than Before. New York, Crown Publishers, 2015.
Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, has taken the most original and interesting approach to the much-discussed subject of habits in her 2015 book, Better Than Before:Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives. I came across this gem when she referenced something from it in an IG post recently; I was immediately intrigued.
Gretchen Rubin has developed this framework she calls The Four Tendencies. It’s this idea that almost everyone falls into one of four distinct groups:
“Upholdersrespond readily to both outer expectations and inner expectations” (Rubin, p. 16).
“Questioners question all expectations, and will meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified” (Rubin, p. 16).
“Obligers respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations” (Rubin, p. 16).
“Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike” (Rubin, p. 16).
If we can figure out which group we fall into, if we can gain that self-knowledge, we can dial in and figure out which approach to habit-building will work for us. This was an epiphany for me. All other books I’ve read on habits focus on the science of habit-building as a one-size-fits-all approach that will really only work for a certain percentage of the population.
So first things first, finding out which of the Four Tendencies you fall into. For example, if you are an Upholder, like me, then you “wake up and think: ‘What’s on the schedule and the to do list today?’ They (Upholders) want to know what’s expected of them, and to meet those expectations…they’re self-directed and have little trouble meeting commitments, keeping resolutions, or meeting deadlines (they often finish early)…Upholders may struggle in situations where expectations aren’t clear or the rules aren’t established” (pp. 18-19).
Next up, ask yourself some questions that will help you narrow down what habits you want to focus on building. Questions like, how do I like to spend my time? What do I value? What are my current habits, both those I want to keep, those I want to change, or those I want to add? Do you have things in your calendar that you look forward to? Is that something you want to build more of into your life? This is a great starting point to figure out what you’re looking to accomplish with your habits.
I think one of the most helpful sections of the book was Desire, Ease, and Excuses. Do you do better abstaining altogether from something in order to quit it or do you do better with moderation, meaning most of the time you exclude something but you allow yourself to have it once in a while without it derailing you? Then there’s the convenience factor. As Gretchen Rubin says, “The amount of effort, time, or decision making required by an action has a huge influence on habit formation. To a truly remarkable extent, we’re more likely to do something if it’s convenient, and less likely if it’s not” (p. 144). We can put safeguards in place also to prepare for things that might knock us off track. Being prepared can be the difference between keeping a good habit and ending up back at square one. Then there’s loop-hole spotting. For example, do you ever find yourself using phrases like “You only live once” or “What’s one beer?” We can talk ourselves into or out of almost anything in the heat of the moment so we have to be on the lookout and have a plan to reject that self-talk.
One more juicy tidbit to share. The “No Finish Line” trap. This can help you reach a one-time goal but it will not work well for forming a habit. For example, training for a marathon. Once the marathon is over, now what? Will you still keep running and training every day if you don’t have something you’re working towards? This shows the striking different between goals and habits. A habit is something you want to build into your DNA, something you do without even thinking, and something that gives you a lasting result that keeps you wanting to continue to do it. Mindset is everything.
If you’re interested in giving this book a try, you can snag a physical copy at your local library, or see if you can download it free using apps like Hoopla or Cloud Library. If you’d like to buy it, you can get a used copy through Amazon for under $5.00. You can also see what else Gretchen Rubin is up to by visiting her website GretchenRubin.com. She has lots of other great content, including a podcast. I hope you give this one a try!
“Freedom or death lay at this table. Her past and future were seated on a glass throne.” Sarah J. Maas (bookroo.com/quotes/throne-of-glass)
This week we’re taking a look at Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas and I’m trying something new this time around. Rather than give my own full review, I’m pulling in the internet book review experts to weigh in on this one. I will say one thing though. I started the first book in this series which is this one, Throne of Glass, read it in about three days then proceeded to read the entire rest of the series of six more books within another week. That’s how addictive and great it was. But let’s see what the experts say.
Whenever I’m going to start a new book I love to see what’s out there. With most things like movie reviews, product reviews, and restaurant reviews, I take them all with a grain of salt. These days so many reviews are AI-generated, or made by people who received products for free, so I don’t count on them. But book reviews are another story. I just think there’s something different about book lovers and they know how to keep it real. They always tell the good and the bad and because it’s from their own perspective it’s always so interesting. So, here are five reviews from a variety of sites.
I hope you enjoyed this! If you know of some great book reviewers out there, please leave a comment and provide some links so I can include them in future posts like this.
Ok, I may be weird but packing for my trip is actually one of my favorite things about traveling! I get excited about organizing everything, using all my cool travel gadgets and packing tricks; it’s like figuring out a puzzle. If you want to look forward to packing instead of dreading it, then read on for some of my favorite tips and tricks.
I have found ways to fit everything I need for a two week roadtrip in one carry-on suitcase and a backpack. It IS possible do to carry-on for pretty much any trip if you just get creative. On my two-week road trip I used my London Fog carry-on which is a 20″ expandable spinner. Mine is a super cute muted pink and gray herringbone design I got a few years ago so not sure they make that one anymore but any 20″ expandable spinner will do. The expanding part is the trick. Plus you can avoid the awful drama of losing your checked luggage or waiting at the luggage carousel which is my own personal hell.
If I am going for a shorter trip, like three to five days, then I actually use this ETronik Duffel Bag I got through Amazon. Check it out if you prefer the duffle bag route and don’t want to lug a carry-on behind you all over the airport. It has several great compartments, including a bottom area to keep your shoes separate. It’s 40% off right now for so down from $49.99 to $29.97, a deal you can’t beat. You can find more amazing tips on packing with a carry-on by visiting Samantha Brown’sPlaces to Love. She’s a genius when it comes to all things travel and I just adore her.
#2: Get compression packing cubes…
This one is a total lifesaver for two reasons: you can organize all your clothes by the size of the cube you use and/or color combos if you choose AND you can pack at least 2-3x more clothes by using them. You don’t need any special tools or anything as these are not those vacuum sealed monstrosities, this is a zip compression system. I got mine at Amazon at a very reasonable price and it is just the best thing ever.
#3: Use travel-size toiletries or get toiletry pouches…
I’m talking about your shampoo, conditioner, face wash, moisturizer, toothpaste, face serum, etc. I use a shampoo bar every day so that’s not an issue for me but if you don’t, try using one for travel. My favorite is the Jumping Juniper by Lush. It’s small but mighty and smells like heaven. I actually look forward to my hair wash days because of this shampoo bar, it’s that great. You can get a travel-size conditioner and pretty much every other product in a travel-size at either Sephora or Ulta, depending on your poison. For some brands you may have to go directly to their website to find their travel sets but I’ve only found a few that did not have this offering.
If you have an item that you cannot get in a travel size, I suggest using these travel pouches from Amazon. You can get 17 of these thin pouches with labels and can put most anything in them. I use them for face wash or body wash but they can also be used for shampoo, conditioner, lotion, basically any liquid or cream you need to bring. And they are so compact, laying nearly flat in your toiletry case.
#4 Roll your clothes…
This one is an oldie but goodie and I swear by it. I recently tested it out to the max when I went on a week long trip to Ohio. On the way there I used my packing cubes and thought, hmmm I won’t roll this time because I have cubes, right? Wrong. On the way there I did not roll anything, just folded it all into my packing cubes and it was a super tight fit. On the way back I wanted to use one of my packing cubes for small dirty laundry items which means I had to reorganize to get more room. I rolled everything and was able to use one of my smaller packing cubes just for those items and had space to spare. Lesson learned. Roll your clothes; it works, end of story.
#5 If in doubt, ask Samantha Brown…
If you love traveling and just want to find some great all-around ideas for all things travel, I cannot recommend Samantha Brown enough. She has been a travel guru for well over twenty years now and is a genius at everything to do with travel and packing. She’s fun, practical, and has so much knowledge and experience in all things travel. Plus you can see all of the amazing places she’s traveled. For this time of year, I love her tips on how to manage houseguests for the holiday. It’s just solid gold.
I hope if you have to travel for the holidays in the next week or two that some of these tips will help you have a more enjoyable and stress-free trip. I find the most important part of enjoying travel is having a positive mindset. Expect that things may not go perfectly and just be prepared to roll with it. Bring snacks, an empty water bottle to fill up at the airport, some downloaded content with your fave headphones, and a great book. Remember, you’re on vacation!
“So this I believe, is the central question upon which all creating living hinges: Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?…The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them. The hunt to uncover those jewels – that’s creative living. The courage to go on that hunt in the first place – that’s what separates a mundane existence from a more enchanted one. The often surprising results of that hunt – that’s what I call Big Magic.”
Gilbert, E. Big Magic. Riverhead Books, 2015. p. 8
Elizabeth Gilbert inspires me to dream and create my art just for the joy of it. It doesn’t matter if anyone ever sees what you do or if anyone else cares; it’s about feeding your soul, using your imagination, putting your unique beautiful gifts out into the world. In Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, Elizabeth Gilbert explores creative living through six primary areas: Courage, Enchantment, Permission, Persistence, Trust, and Divinity.
Courage: We aren’t talking about living a life that is only devoted to the arts but one that finds fulfillment by not being afraid to explore a creative life alongside whatever may pay the bills. This might look like finding time every day to write, paint, knit, play an instrument, sing, draw – whatever creative outlet that brings you joy, that sparks that warm spot in your heart. There are so many things to be afraid of, as Elizabeth Gilbert says, “…creative living is for the brave. We all know this. And we all know that when courage dies, creativity dies with it. We all know that fear is a desolate boneyard where our dreams go to desiccate in the hot sun…Let me list for you some of the ways in which you might be afraid to live a more creative life: You’re afraid you have no talent. You’re afraid you’ll be rejected or criticized or ridiculed or misunderstood or – worst of all – ignored…You’re afraid somebody else already did it better…You’re afraid you won’t be taken seriously. You’re afraid your dreams are embarrassing…” (Gilbert, p. 13). The list goes on and on. But the alternative to not pursuing that special thing is not living a full life. In fact, it’s not really living at all if you think about it since you would be ignoring the most true part of who you are and your calling from the universe itself.
Enchantment: Ideas are like little bits of magic trying to find their way into the world. An idea may come to you and if you cultivate it, love it and nurture it, then it will sprout wings and fly. If you ignore it the idea will move on to someone else who wants it. An idea wants to be found and loved so it can be born into the world. We can take the idea or leave it but if it wants to be found bad enough it will keep moving along to the next person until someone grabs ahold of it and brings it to life. Have you ever had a great idea for a product, a book, a poem and jotted it down then never took it any further and six months later you see your idea on a shelf in the store? Elizabeth Gilbert talks about a book idea she started on but never finished and a year or so later she saw her book be written by another dear author. She had ignored the idea for too long and it moved on. I had a very similar experience myself, maybe you have too, and if so this theory about the life of ideas will make perfect sense. If you have a great idea, grab hold of it and don’t let go!
Permission: You don’t need anyone’s permission to pursue your creative life. Don’t ask for it, don’t accept it, don’t think about it. Some of us have parents, like I did, that were creative and artistic in their own way and encouraged me to be the same. But some of us don’t. Some of us have people in our lives who will be embarrassed by our creativity, who will discourage us, who will push us down. Don’t let them. Whatever your gift is that you were granted by the universe needs to be cultivated and shared with the world.
Persistence: This one is easy: never give up. Keep doing the work, keep listening to your intuition, keep listening to that little voice that gets you in a flow state and brings you a joy like nothing else. Pay attention to how you feel when you are doing that thing that brings you pleasure and repeat.
Trust: There is a relationship between yourself and your art which also requires a level of trust. You love your art but do you believe your art loves you in return? Do you cherish your art in a way that will make it cherish you? There’s always been this belief in certain artistic circles that to make good art you need to suffer. But what if you approached your art from a place of joy instead? Elizabeth Gilbert puts it this way, “…If you’re going to live your life based on delusions (and you are, because we all do), then why not at least select a delusion that is helpful? Allow me to suggest this one: The work wants to be made, and it wants to be made by you” (Gilbert, p. 221).
Divinity: Listen to the universe. It is showing you the way, you just have to follow its lead.
Wrapped up with a bow
While I can give you this overview of the book, its content and purpose, I cannot weave for you the magic that Elizabeth Gilbert creates when she puts her thoughts on paper. It is a beauty to withhold and must be fully experienced firsthand. This is not a book just for people who identify as “artists”, it is a book for everyone who is looking for any inspiration in any area of their life, for someone who is looking for direction. The universe has given you a gift and your job is to figure out what that gift is and bring it to fulfillment. You will know what it is because when you do it you feel calm, joyful, at home within yourself in a way that no other activity brings. That is YOUR Big Magic.
Buy or Borrow
This one is definitely a BUY. It is something you can turn to any time you need a little reminder about finding your creative spirit again and tuning into what brings you joy.
You can find a hard copy in your local library in the Non-Fiction section (IBSN 978-1-594-63472-7). In my area, Stanislaus County in Central California, you can download the Library app and get everything in a one-stop shop. I cannot say enough about how great this app is for really taking full advantage of everything our local libraries have to offer.
Get the audiobook. If your local library uses apps like Cloud Library or Hoopla, you can connect that app to your library card and you may be able to check out the Audiobook for FREE!
You can download the book through Audible which is subscription based. They offer a free seven day trail period and you can also purchase individual books through the app if you prefer not to have a subscription service.
You can also buy the eBook through Apple Books or again, you can also get it FREE from your local library if they use Cloud Library or Hoopla!
“If you don’t get to experience what it feels like to push yourself, to do more than you thought you were capable of, and to know that the pain you put yourself through will lead to growth that you alone are responsible for creating, then you will never appreciate what you have the way that same thing is appreciated by someone who earned it, who worked for it.”
Schwarzenegger, A. Penguin Press, 2023. p. 77.
You know what I love about Arnold? There’s no bullshit. No excuses. He makes me believe anything is possible. Why? Because he has literally done the impossible. There’s a comedy set by Bill Burr where he talks about Arnold as his hero and says here’s a guy who was able to get someone to pay his way to the United States, became a world-renowned bodybuilder, a famous movie star, married a Kennedy, and became governor all while speaking with an accent so thick he can barely be understood at times. Arnold Schwarzenegger visualized the American dream in his mind and then he made it a reality. He overcame any obstacle that came his way, believed in himself, never gave up, and always has a positive attitude. And along the way he has found ways to help others.
And Arnold Schwarzenegger makes me believe in myself. He makes me believe if he was able to do what he’s done despite every roadblock he’s faced then I can do anything and sometimes my only roadblock is myself! Imagine that? Arnold’s new book, Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life is tough-love, no bullshit advice on how to live a useful and purposeful life, how to achieve your dreams and ignore what may be considered “obstacles”. Really, anything is only an obstacle if you let it be. If you have the grit and determination to overcome something then it’s just another step on the way in your journey, another thing that will make you stronger on the other side.
Tool #1: Have a clear vision. This is what gives us purpose and meaning, which incidentally is also linked to happiness, joy, or fulfillment for our short time here on Earth. From Arnold’s standpoint, it’s the starting point and the most important thing. As he says, “Because everything good, all great change, starts with a clear vision” (Schwarzenegger, p. 4).
Tool #2: Never think small. To sum it up, “If you only aim for the small goal, the big goal is automatically out of reach, in part because you are no longer motivated to truly go all in and focus on all the little things that make the difference between greatness and goodness” (Schwarzenegger, p. 53). Arnold talks about how hard it was to sell anyone in Hollywood on him being able to do a comedy role when everyone now saw him as only an action hero star. He didn’t give up and what did we get? Some of the funniest movies ever like Twins and Kindergarten Cop people, that’s what! And by the way if you have not seen these movies yet and need some comedy in your life you can’t miss with those two. One more tip from Arnold on not thinking small: you have to ignore those naysayers and believe in yourself.
Tool #3: Work your ass off. Bottom line here: work works. And also reps, reps, reps. If you know, you know. They can’t be lazy reps, they must be done with good form and over and over and over. In other words, you need to work hard at and practice whatever it is you want to get good at or achieve. There has to be maximum effort. Anyone who has ever done anything great can attest to this simple ideal: embrace the suck because the pain is temporary but the growth will change you forever.
Tool #4: Sell, sell, sell. When Arnold came to America bodybuilding was not well-known yet in the culture. He saw that someone needed to be the face of that industry, to get out there and bring awareness and that is what he did with the help of Joe Weider. “When you’re different, when you’re unique, and nobody has ever dealt with someone like you before, they are going to drastically underestimate what you’re capable of. Do not let your ego win. Don’t correct them. If you can stay focused on winning and on achieving your goals, you can use their doubts and underestimation against them to effortlessly bridge the conversation, or the interview, or the negotiation to whatever you want to talk about” (Schwarzenegger, p. 138).
Tool #5: Shift gears. When something doesn’t go your way, do not despair. It’s been proven that we respond more strongly to negative things than to positive, or we have what is called a “negativity bias”. But focusing on the negative is a total waste of time and will not get you any closer to reaching your goals. You have to shift gears and focus on the positive and what you CAN do about the situation. Another nugget from Arnold: reframe failure. It is not fatal and the only way you will experience any kind of true change or reach any goal is by experiencing some failure. It really is true, that which does not kill you makes you stronger.
Tool #6: Shut your mouth, open your mind. In bodybuilding, training your mind is just as important as training your body. You need to create a mind/body connection for the best results. How can you improve at anything? Be quiet and listen. Look around you and learn or as Arnold says, “The world can be your classroom” (Schwarzenegger, p. 195). Everything you want to learn is out there, most of it even for free either through online searches, YouTube videos, books or resources at the library, or just being quiet and watching the world around you and the people in it. But most importantly, you have to BE CURIOUS. You have to want to learn and you have to be willing to listen; don’t have too much of an ego to listen to those who have come before you.
Tool #7: Break your mirrors. This one took me a minute to get the reference for but the basics are this: let go of your ego and instead of thinking about yourself, think about how you can give back and help others. If you have had any measure of success in your life, big or small, you did not get there on your own. There were people who guided you, believed in you, mentored you. There is no such is “self-made” when you really get down to it. Think about how you can help someone else or as Arnold says, “…it’s important for you to recognize that you have a responsibility to give back. To help others. To send the ladder back down and lift the next group up. To pay it forward. To be useful” (Schwarzenegger, p. 231).
Buy or Borrow?
Arnold’s latest masterpiece is definitely a BUY. I will be reading this one at least 1-2 times a year as a motivational reminder. I love his conciseness, his positivity, and his storytelling that pulls all the ideas together.
Find a hard copy in your local library in the Non-Fiction section (IBSN 978-0-593-65595-5). In my area, Stanislaus County in Central California, you can download the Library app and get everything in a one-stop shop. I cannot say enough about how great this app is for really taking full advantage of everything our local libraries have to offer.
Get the audiobook. If your local library uses apps like Cloud Library or Hoopla, you can connect that app to your library card and you may be able to check out the Audiobook for FREE!
You can download the book through Audible which is subscription based. They offer a free seven day trail period and you can also purchase individual books through the app if you prefer not to have a subscription service.
You can also buy the eBook through Apple Books or again, you can also get it FREE from your local library if they use Cloud Library or Hoopla!
Ok, I am not the only one. The world has an obsession with true crime and most specifically in the last few years, true crime stories in the form of a podcast. Between Apple Podcasts & Spotify alone there are over a hundred true crime pods. One of the hottest TV shows in the last three years has been Only Murders in the Buildingwhich is a story of people listening to a true crime podcast who, after having residents murdered within their apartment building, decide they will start a true crime podcast! I’m not making this up. And for reals, you should check out that show it’s so fabulous! It stars Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez and the third season just started on August 9th on Hulu.
Some researchers have discovered that a big part of why we are so smitten with true crime pods, with women being the largest demographic of listeners, is because we think it helps us feel more prepared if we find ourselves in a dangerous situation. There’s a pretty great article you can check out from The Independent that digs into this a little more. Thinking about that, I realized that why I am perhaps just morbidly curious , it does make a lot of sense. When I listen to some of the stories, I’m also thinking about how I would react in that situation and ideas for fighting back, escape, you name it. Next time you listen to your fave true crime pod, notice if you see yourself doing the same. If not, think about what does interest you about true crime and maybe it will lead to a new career or even crazier, to making your own true crime podcast!
The OG of True Crime pods: Serial Season One
I’m going to take it way back to the first true crime pod that got me hooked and that most people today have heard of: Serial Season 1. This was released in 2014 and followed the case of Adnan Syed who was accused of killing his ex-girlfriend Hae Min Lee in 1999 when he was just 17 years old. In 2000, he was convicted of first-degree murder, robbery, kidnapping, and fall imprisonment, being sentenced to life in prison. This one had the world riveted and honestly, I think it is still the best true crime pod I’ve heard which is why I’m starting here.
Sarah Koenig did this first season and she did a phenomenal job. At the time of her work on the pod, she was a journalist for the Baltimore Sun. She presents the story in a chronological timeline where she paints the picture in detail of the relationship between Hae and Adnan and the events leading up to her death. She questions bits of evidence in the case that don’t make sense, drawing you in with her on the journey as she tries to piece together what happened back in 1999. She did such a great job that her podcast brought life back to Adnan Syed’s legal case. The rest of the story can easily be found online but I urge you to resist doing that and first listen to the entire podcast, then circle back to where the case is now. You will not be disappointed with this one. Below is a little tasty nugget from the pod.
“It’s Baltimore, 1999. Hae Min Lee, a popular high-school senior, disappears after school one day. Six weeks later detectives arrest her classmate and ex-boyfriend, Adnan Syed, for her murder. He says he’s innocent – though he can’t exactly remember what he was doing on that January afternoon. But someone can. A classmate at Woodlawn High School says she knows where Adnan was. The trouble is, she’s nowhere to be found.” (serialpodcast.org; 8/10/23)
You can listen directly through the Serial website link or wherever you get your pods such as through Apple Podcasts or Spotify, all of which are free.
The fresh take on cold cases: Crime Junkie
This next one, Crime Junkie, is hosted by two friends obsessed with true crime who decided to start a podcast together. Their unique niche is a focus is on bringing attention to stories of missing persons and unsolved cold cases. They partner with organizations like CrimeStoppers in the hopes that someone who hears an episode may come forward with information that could help solve some of these cases.
I listen to this pod when I’m in the mood for a good story that I know will have no resolution. If you do not get satisfaction from hearing a story that is unfinished or unsolved, this may not be your bag. However, I will say these two do a great job of telling the story and building intrigue. They play off each other well and you can tell they care about making a difference through their pod. As their byline says, “Can’t get enough of true crime? Congratulations! You’ve found your people!”
“When a promising young woman fails to show up for a Father’s Day celebration in 2013, her dad knows immediately that something is very wrong. And as investigators work to unravel the chaotic timeline of the night she went missing, they find no lack of viable persons of interest. But when her case goes ice cold, they’re forced to ask if they’ve been overlooking a monster in their midst.” (https://crimejunkiepodcast.com; accessed 8/10/23)
You can listen wherever you get your pods such as through Apple Podcasts or Spotify, all of which are free.
For my outdoor lovers: National Park After Dark
This last one, National Park After Dark, is really my top true crime pod for the past couple years. My sister introduced me to it when we were on a roadtrip and I’ve been hooked ever since. This one is also two friends who love true crime but also love the outdoors. They are both avid outdoor adventurers who camp, bike, hike, and backpack together all over the U.S. and abroad. All of their stories are of crimes that have occurred in National Parks. It turns out that National Parks are the perfect crime scenes because the evidence is difficult to preserve due to the elements. You will never look at a day hike the same again but I truly think it creates a better sense of awareness of surroundings and general safety. Their motto is, “Enjoy the view. But watch your back.”
One of my fave things about this one is actually the camaraderie between the two hosts. You can tell they have many years of friendship and adventure together and they are having a blast doing this pod. This joy is passed along to the listener, even when they have very dark stories to tell.
One of my personal favorite episodes has to do with a State park that hits close to home, a trail that my sisters and I have been going on for many summers in a row now. This one is episode 70 The Trailside Killer. Point Reyes National Seashore. It’s about a serial killer in the 70’s who committed several murders on the Sky Trail in this park and then some other murders at State parks in the neighboring area. We actually listen to this episode every time after we hike this trail, which yes is crazy, but also makes us appreciate the importance of safety when hiking and just out in nature in general.
They have lots of fun merch on their site and I hope you’ll check them out!
You can listen wherever you get your pods such as through Apple Podcasts or Spotify, all of which are free.
“Elegance is when the inside is as beautiful as the outside.” ~ Coco Chanel
Malone, Maggie. “25 Coco Chanel Quotes Every Woman Should Live By.” Town and Country Magazine, August 16, 2017, http://www.townandcountrymag.com.
Over the past two years, I have become genuinely obsessed with finding truly clean beauty products. From my shampoo, conditioner, and haircare products all the way down to my toenail polish, I have been on a mission.
It all started when I wanted to learn more about my endocrine system and the regulation of my hormones. I’m in my early forties and I am very sad to say that I learned more about how my body works in the past three years than ever before in my life. When I talk to other women, I find I am not alone in this. What they teach us in sex ed in 5th or 6th grade is literally NOTHING. We had to learn about the nighttime wet dreams of boys but no one thought it would be helpful to explain how to put in a tampon or about the four phases of our cycle. Don’t get me started! Anyway, that is a rabbit hole for another day. For now, suffice to say, the more I read the more I found out that the majority of all products women put on their skin includes endocrine blockers which really mess with our hormones. And there is literally no real regulation of beauty and skincare ingredients in products in the U.S. So, we are leaving it up to the companies making the products to care more about our wellbeing than about money…sure bud. That’s definitely happening.
So down the rabbit hole I went! I’m going to share the clean beauty products I’ve found based on category or use and you can take it from there to find what works best for you. Happy hunting!
My definition of “clean” beauty products
First, let me start with defining what I mean by clean.
For me, to be truly considered as a clean product the ingredients should be few (ideally less than 10-15), come from nature without having been chemically altered beyond recognition, and not contain any endocrine blocker such as butyl, propyl, ethyl, or methyl. I also want to be able to pronounce each ingredient.
In addition, when reviewed against the EWG (Environmental Working Group) the ingredients should have a rating of no more than 2 and the ingredient cannot be on their Restricted list To learn more, visit the EWG website. I’ll be doing an entirely separate post just on clean makeup or this post would be a million times too long.
Just to be completely honest up front, I am a Product Whore with a capital W. I love to try new things and I have literally tried every product you can think of under the sun. I am extremely curious by nature and just cannot stop myself from trying any cool product I learn about. With that being said, I am not joking when I tell you I have tried MANY shampoos and have spent literally hours upon hours scouring Sephora’s app to find a truly clean shampoo and they just do NOT sell one. At least, not by my definition of being truly clean. That being said, do not despair! There are some clean shampoos and conditioners out there.
First on my list, and what I personally use every day, is from the brand Viori. They sell shampoo and conditioner bars which smell amazing, are clean, and have literally given me the healthiest scalp and hair I can ever remember having. One thing I really l love about this brand is how they break down the ingredients in the product to explain its origin and how it is used in the product. I have an oily scalp but dry ends so I use their Citrus Yao Shampoo Hair Bar. Here are the ingredients for that shampoo bar: Sodium Cocoyl Isethionate (a natural cleanser derived from coconut), Behentrimonium Methosulfate (a sulfate-free, vegetable-source derived from the colza plant), Longsheng rice, Cocoa Butter, Cetyl Alcohol (plan-source fatty alcohol), Shea Butter, Stearic Acid (plant-source fatty alcohol), Rice Bran Oil, Hydrolyzed Rice Protein, Vitamin B8, Vitamin B5, Bamboo Extract, Broccoli Seed Oil, Vegetable Glycerin, Sodium Lactate (derived from the natural fermentation of sugars found in corn and beets), Aloe Vera, Vitamin E Acetate, Jojoba Oil, and Fragrance (fragrance oil is infused with natural essential oils, including grapefruit, orange, lemon, mandarin, peach, and vanilla). I pair it with the Citrus Yao Conditioner Hair Bar. SO CLEAN! And even better is the price: $18 for the shampoo which can last 2-6 months depending on how often you wash your hair. But here’s the thing: I know not everyone likes a shampoo and condition in bar form. So, I have a few other recommendations to make.
If you like your traditional style of liquid shampoo and a creamy conditioner in a bottle, then I recommend checking out the brand Rahua. You will have to look close at all of the ingredients but the ones I have tried and can recommend are the Enchanted Island Shampoo and Enchanted Island Conditioner (which has a very dreamy tropical island vacation smell and vibe) and the Voluminous Shampoo and Voluminous Conditioner. Another bonus is you can buy the bottle once and then purchase refills to reduce plastic going into landfills.
A second traditional liquid shampoo and cream conditioner I’d recommend is from the UK brand, Champo (pronounced ‘shar-pour’) which is the Sanskrit term for shampoo. They offer a hair quiz to find the right fit for your hair needs and it ended up being spot on for me. I had an oily scalp with dry ends which is just the worst combo. They matched me up with Kapha and it really does relieve the oily scalp, allowing me more days in between washes.
This is another one I spent hours on at Sephora, just trying to find some clean skincare. One brand with some great clean products was Kora Organics. If you’d like to be able to get smaller sizes, like for travel or trial size, you can get that straight from their website instead of using Sephora. They actually have a new Plant Stem cell Retinol Alternative Serum I plan on trying next but my initial research indicates it is a very clean product that uses plants to replace the harsh chemical retinol used for anti-aging products. At Sephora, I would say Kora Organics is pretty much as good as it gets. They use Certified Organic fruits and vegetables in their products with a philosophy centered around sustainability. They were one of the very first companies to come up with the idea of refillable pods for their skincare products so instead of buying new containers each time, you just buy a refill pod and pop it into the original container. I recommend their Turmeric Glow Moisturizer and Berry Bright Vitamin C Eye Cream.
I know there have to be more brands out there but I have seriously only found one so far that has the cleanest products I have ever seen. That brand is Bambu Earth. This brand is legit clean. Most products have fewer than 5 ingredients that are 100% plant based. I will throw out a quick side note so you aren’t taken aback when you visit the site but the owner and founder appears to be very religious. As in, the products themselves have scriptures quoted on them. But, if you are not religious and don’t want anyone preaching to you, please do not let this discourage from trying this brand. This girl knows her shit.
First, I use their Activated Charcoal Cleansing Oil. The ingredients are organic cold-pressed sunflower oil, organic cold-pressed sesame oil, organic cold-pressed Tamanu oil, activated charcoal, rosemary essential oil, tea tree essential oil, frankincense, essential oil, lavender essential oil, eucalyptus essential oil, and peppermint essential oil. Read that list. Every single thing is clean. I mean, it’s unheard of. I use this oil in the morning and night to cleanse my face, replacing any soap-based cleanser. My skin has never been so clear, soft, and beautiful. To be totally upfront, my eyes can be very sensitive during allergy season and if I allow the oil mixed with the eye makeup I’m trying to remove then sometimes it can cause some irritation to my eyes. It’s pretty rare though.
I follow the cleansing oil with the Rosewater Cleanser. I take a cotton round and use this all over my face, neck, and décolletage. And the ingredients are organic rosewater hydrosol, vegetable glycerine, and tea tree essential oil. This is just a nice double-cleanse to remove any leftover residue from the cleansing oil and leaves you feeling refreshed.
Next up, I put on my daytime eye serum which is called the Vitamin C Boost Eyebright Serum and again, 100% completely organic and plant-based ingredients. It helps to reduce under eye circles and puffiness and to “revive” the eyes so to speak. I personally have also noticed a reduction in crows feet. For night, I use their Antioxidant Support Overnight Eye Mask, another game changer. This one uses blackberry and black cumin to help with fine lines and dark spots under the eyes. It’s very intense and a tiny bit goes a long way. This one is a little more pricey at $70 but well worth it for the eye area which is a pain point for me personally.
They have two different moisturizers, the Petitgrain Moisturizer which is an interesting texture and scent but does a great job during the winter at $32 for a 1.5oz jar. And the there’s the Intense Hydration Cactus Concentrate, which I use only at night but year round. It’s pretty pricey at $160 for a 1.3oz jar but it does do as promised and I wake up with glowing skin. I’ve gotten more compliments on my skin since I started using Bambu Earth products than I’ve ever received in my life. I’m just saying, they are LEGIT.
I hope you find something clean and new to try from some of my recs above! And just remember, our skin is the largest organ of our body and what we put on on our bodies is just as important as what we put in our bodies. We all deserve to be happy, healthy, AND have radiant and glowing skin without the use of harsh chemicals. We are dealing with a beauty industry that self-regulates and is based on making the most profits they can off of us. If more of us demand clean beauty by speaking with our wallets, more companies will offer it to us!
“Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.” ~ Steven Pressfield
Pressfield, 2002, p. iv).
the lowdown
We all have a secret love, a little spark, a something that brings us a special kind of joy. When we are doing that thing, it is in those moments we feel most alive. Many writers refer to it as “being in the flow” but it can be applied to any form of art or activity. When you are doing that thing you love, time truly flies by with no awareness of time having passed. But we are all fighting an inner battle against the enemy Steven Pressfield calls Resistance with a capital R. The Resistance is everything we allow to get in the way of doing that thing we love: fear of failure or success, procrastination, self-doubt, criticism. In The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, Steven Pressfield provides tools we can all use in the war we fight to defeat our inner Resistance to find a way to share our unique gifts with the world. If you have ever wanted to understand why it can be so hard to break through those inner roadblocks and want to know how it can feel to answer your true calling in life, this is the book for you!
the hook
Here are some of my favorite excerpts from the book to give you the vibe.
“Have you ever brought home a treadmill and let it gather dust in the attic? Ever quit a diet, a course of yoga, a meditation practice?…Late at night have you ever experienced a vision of the person you might become, the work you could accomplish, the realized being you were meant to be? Are you a writer who doesn’t write, a painter who doesn’t paint, an entrepreneur who never starts a venture? Then you know what Resistance is…It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be…Look in your own heart. Unless I’m crazy, right now a still small voice is piping up, telling you as it has ten thousand times, the calling that is yours and yours alone. You know it. No one has to tell you. And unless I’m crazy, you’re no closer to taking action on it than you were yesterday or will be tomorrow. You think Resistance isn’t real? Resistance will bury you...Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. It’s a gift to the world and every being in it. Don’t cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you’ve got.” (Pressfield, 2002, p. iv-vii, 165)
buy or borrow
This one is definitely a BUY all the way. You are going to want a copy of this to refer to throughout the rest of your life. I’ve had it about eight months and have it read it all the way through twice and refer to it once a month to help me get back on track. This book is for anyone and everyone who wants to accomplish any kind of feat in their life, rather it be exercising every day or creating your first masterpiece. You can find it for about $15 on Amazon or at your local library for free. Enjoy!
“I continue to explain that no matter what their problem seems to be, there is only one thing I ever work on with anyone, and this is Loving the Self. Love is the miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.” ~ Louise Hay
(Hay, 1984, p. 17)
I’ve heard of many people speak of the work of Louise Hay over the years however, it wasn’t until recently that I began to get to know her books, recordings, and various writings. Her philosophy is beautiful and simple. It begins with the most basic yet profound thought: if we can really and truly learn to love ourselves we can begin to heal every part of our lives. Improving our overall health has to begin with our mental health.
Loving the Self
I’m going to go ahead and say right now that Louise Hay is the freaking BOSS of personal growth. It sounds so simple, loving yourself, yet most of the population of the world today struggles with some form of self-loathing, most without even realizing it.
For example, do you experience any of the following thoughts or feelings?
constant self-criticism,
unworthy of being loved by others,
feeling like you don’t deserve happiness,
guilt about pursuing your own interests or goals,
taking time to be alone,
practicing any form of self-care,
being able to find someone to share your life with,
being able to make meaningful friends
So what does it even mean, loving the self? It starts with this simple idea: approving of yourself no matter what and without criticism. It’s one of those things they call simple but not easy. Stay with me here. Who controls the thoughts in your head? Just one person: YOU. Most of us are not tuning into that concept and we are letting our brains take over with our thoughts constantly running wild. We need to be mindful in becoming aware of our thoughts and guiding them to control our own inner narrative.
Why is this so important? Because what we think and believe about ourselves and our lives becomes our truth. Have you ever heard that saying, “Perception is reality”? Meaning that if someone has a perception about you, then that becomes reality for them and for their relationship with you. Well, this is even more true within your own mind. Your perception of yourself determines how you treat yourself, how you allow others to treat you, how you do or do not love yourself, and most importantly how you talk to yourself and what that means for you and your life. YOU ALONE are responsible for all of your life experiences. No one else.
Louise Hay has many powerful statements in her teachings but right now I’m going to focus on these two:
“Every thought we think is creating our future.”
“It’s only a thought, and a thought can be changed.”
Louise Hay uses the power of affirmations to begin to change the way we think about ourselves and guide us toward learning to love the self. She has this exercise she calls “mirror work”. It is very uncomfortable at first but also very powerful. It will take time to work up to but it’s a great step on the path to loving the self. The exercise involves standing in front of a mirror at least once a day and just saying I love you to your image in the mirror. It is crazy how hard this one little thing is! The other daily exercise is any time you catch yourself starting in on self-criticism stop yourself and repeat the affirmation, “I love and approve of myself”. You may do it hundreds of times a day but it is going to bring awareness to where to start the work and it also feels pretty good, like a release.
“The point of power is always in the present moment.” ~Louise Hay
(Hay, 1984, p. 4)
Just read this out loud to yourself several times and let it sink in. “The point of power is always in the present moment.”What does this mean? The only moment that matters is the one you are in right now. In each moment, you have the power to decide what will you will do right now and what will come next. There is a beautiful poem called list of things to heal your mood by Rupi Kaur that brings this all together for me, specifically in those very hard moments. I write this at the start of every new journal, I have it on a piece of paper in front of me at work, and I refer to it for guidance when I need to pick myself up off the ground and get back up to go again. I’m going to leave this magical bit of poetry with you in the hopes that it will help you through the dark and back into the light, one moment at a time.
list of things to heal your mood:1. cry it. walk it. write it. scream it. dance it our of your body. 2. if after all that you are still spiraling out of control ask yourself if sinking into the mud is worth it 3. the answer is no 4. the answer is breathe 5. sip tea and let your nerves settle 6. you are the hero of your life 7. this feeling doesn’t have power over you 8. the universe has prepared you to handle this 9. no matter how dark it gets the light is always on its way 10. you are the light 11. walk yourself back to where love lives ~rupi kaur
Did you know there is one magical cure for all that ails us?! It so simple you will laugh: it’s a good night’s sleep! There has been more research completed in the last five to ten years on the value of sleep that I could go on FOREVA on the topic. But I’m going to save us all some time and energy and break it down into the top five things based on a lot of reading and being my own favorite guinea pig. And don’t forget, I’m not a doctor, do not hold any medical degree, and I am just a girl on the internet trying to figure it all out. I’m sure you’ve heard all or most of these before but I’m going to put my own spin on it and hopefully you’ll get a few new nuggets.
1. Shift your mindset about going to bed.
Do you dread bedtime? Does the thought of getting into bed and trying to fall asleep just immediately bring you anxiety and a tightness in your shoulders and neck? Then the place to start is to shift how you think about bedtime and sleep. If you’ve ever experienced insomnia or just a long restless night of tossing and turning you know it is quite literally the worst thing ever. Your brain wants to keep thinking, worrying, problem-solving and it will not shut off.
Here’s the “Aha” moment: you are creating this environment in your own mind based on how you think about sleep in general. For example, like an hour or two before bedtime do you ever find yourself saying things like, “God, I know I’m not going to sleep tonight”, or, “I hate going to bed!” Guess what, you just told your brain how to react when you actually get in bed to sleep. Now your brain is all like, “Well, based on everything I’ve been saying for the last two hours I am definitely NOT going to sleep right now; I have so much to figure out for tomorrow! I need to solve the hunger crisis, what about climate change, and how do we bring about world peace?!” And then guess what: INSOMNIA!
Soooo…instead of all that crazy talk in your head, let’s control that conversation by shifting how you think about sleep and bedtime. Affirmations can do wonders for helping us control how we think about almost anything. In her book Heal Your Body, the wonderful Louise Hay has an affirmation for insomnia that works wonders for shifting your mindset. Her explanation for why we have insomnia feels pretty spot on too. She identifies it as, “Fear. Not trusting the process of life. Guilt.” Here is her insomnia affirmation. It’s so simple and beautiful you won’t believe it but it really works when applied: “I lovingly release the day and slip into peaceful sleep, knowing tomorrow will take care of itself.”
Start saying this affirmation a few hours before bed. Start thinking about how wonderful it feels to just drift off into a deep sleep and how great you feel when you wake up from a good night’s sleep. When your brain starts trying to tell you how much you don’t want to go to bed, stop the cycle and repeat the affirmation. Say things to yourself like, “I love sleeping. I fall asleep quickly and easily. I am a great sleeper!” The power of our own minds is something to behold. And don’t forget, you are the only one in your head so be mindful of that and make sure YOU decide what you’re going to think about.
2. Have an amazing nighttime routine that makes you look forward to snuggling down into bed.
Ok, I’m sure you’ve all heard about the importance of a nighttime routine but up until a few years ago, I will admit I had not. And quite honestly I thought maybe it was just some hippy dippy BS. But people, it works! The idea is to create this stack of nighttime habits that let your body and mind start preparing for sleep. If you do it right, this routine is something that you will be looking forward to every night.
My personal nighttime routine consists of a warm bath or shower to wind down and start relaxing. I get into my coziest clothes, ensuring what I put on my body feels soft and enveloping. Then I do my nighttime beauty routine, slowly massaging my products into my skin and just enjoying every moment. I floss, brush my teeth, and do my mouth rinse. Oh, and during all of the above I have very low lighting in the bedroom and bathroom. From the time you begin your nighttime routine, you want to keep all the lighting around you as soft as possible as your body is shifting your circadian rhythm to prepare you for sleep. This is also part of why reducing screen time on your electronic devices, including watching TV, is so critical to really get good sleep. Finally, I do a deep five-minute stretching routine while I listen to a guided meditation though the Calm app with my AirPods Pros in to block out all other sounds.
Next, I turn on my gentle wake alarm that I use through the app Sleep Cycle. The gentle wake alarm uses soothing sounds to wake you during a light sleep. You can choose the wake window you’d like. I use a 15-minute wake window which means if I set my alarm for 6:00am it will wake me between 5:45am-6:00am. At any point during that 15 minutes that the microphone hears noises that alert it I may be sleeping lightly, then it will wake me with a soft alarm sound of my choosing. Once my alarm is set, I curl up in my super cozy bed with a good personal growth book or something else that is not too stimulating mentally. Trust me on this, leave the murder mysteries for another time as you don’t want to read anything that is going to wake you up too much. I read for 15-30 minutes, depending on how quickly I feel sleepy. As soon as that drowsiness hits, I put down my book, turn out any remaining lights, put my sleep mask on, and melt into my bed ready for a yummy night of great sleep.
This is the single most important investment in your health you can ever make. Enough said. Done. You don’t have to go crazy expensive but get a quality mattress if you can and at the very least get a quality mattress topper. Get a pillow that fits your sleep style. There are special pillow types for side sleepers, back sleepers, stomach sleepers, you name it. I’ve got my eye right now on one from The Cushion Lab. This is important so you are getting the right support for your neck, hips, and back depending on your sleep style. Trust me, it will be worth it. Speaking as a woman in her early 40s I wish to God someone had told me these things sooner. Or really someone probably did tell me this in my youth but I was like, “Hey, I’m 25, I can lay on the hard ground outside and fall into a deep twelve hour sleep in five seconds flat, so what are you talking about?” So I guess I really just wish I would have listened. In addition, you need bedding that is soft on your skin and keeps you cool. This means you most likely want a lighter blanket in the warmer months and a heavier blanket in the winter months. You get the idea. It’s worth every freaking penny.
4. Keep the room cool and dark.
My boyfriend loves to make fun of me because I wear a sleep mask over my eyes to sleep. He says I’m going into my cocoon. I need total darkness when I sleep. Not everyone needs the pitch black of wearing a sleep mask but we do all need to have darkness. This means no light from your phone, an alarm clock, a nightlight, or the streetlight outside your window.
You also need it to be cool in your bedroom. One of the most common things that will wake you up is getting too warm. The Sleep Foundation research indicates that 65 degrees Fahrenheit is the best temperature to sleep well at night. Our body temperature drops a few degrees at night so keeping it cool can help with temperature regulation and keeping your body in “sleep mode” to so speak. When the room gets too warm while you sleep you get restless and wake up feeling very tired but unable to sleep. Basically, a total nightmare, no pun intended.
Ok, I know this one is the hardest for all of us currently addicted to our phones, aka 99% of the worlds population today. I am as bad as anyone and have been consciously working to reduce my screen time. Tell me if you’ve heard this one before. You sit down on the couch with your boo and suddenly think of something you want to look up online. You grab your phone and on your way to look up that “one thing” you’re like, you know what, I haven’t looked at my IG for a bit. Let me just check in on that and see what my girls are up to. And an hour or more later you look up, realize what time it is now, you still haven’t looked at that thing you grabbed your phone to look at, your night is shot and guess what it’s time to go to bed now. And your brain is so overstimulated by the bright blue light of your screen, the interesting things you read and saw, and your anxiety over wasting all that time that now sleep is the last thing that is going to come easily when your head hits that pillow.
Listen, I know it’s freaking hard to put the phone down. We are ADDICTED with a capital A. But you can do this and it will change your life. It all goes back to creating a nighttime routine and habits that eventually become second nature. At least an hour before bed, start your nighttime routine which will include moving your phone away from you. It needs to be out of arms reach and take quite a bit of effort to get to. Once it goes to that spot, the only other time you will pick up that phone before bed is to listen to your guided meditation if needed or to set your alarm.
Another way to overstimulate your brain before bed is watching TV. Some people think they need to watch TV to go to sleep and if that is you, my best recommendation would be do NOT watch the news no matter what you do. My best guess is you are using the TV for background noise. A better option would be to get a diffuser in the room or turn on some white noise from a machine or app. I have a diffuser in my bedroom and it has the added bonus of aromatherapy. Huzza! Here’s one you can try from Target but honestly really it’s hard to go wrong with any basic diffuser.
“The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep.” ~ E. Arthur Cossman
Create a nighttime routine that makes you look forward to bedtime
Invest in a great bed, pillow, and bedding
Keep the room cool and dark
Reduce stimulation
Helpful Tools
If you’ve done all of the above and you’re still really having trouble falling asleep, I have another great trick up my sleeve. Sleep stories!! OMG it’s one of the best “new” old inventions ever for helping you go to sleep. If you ever had your parents read stories to you at bedtime when you were a kid, then you know what this is like, just minus the snuggling time with your mum or dad. I put in my AirPods Pro in Active Noise Cancellation and pick a sleep story in the Calm app. They have some great free sleep stories on that app but you can also get them on YouTube.
Track your sleep debt with an app. I use Rise Sleep which tracks your sleep then uses that to provide the peak energy times you will have throughout the following day. It also learns when your melatonin window will be which determines the best time for you to fall asleep each night. Using the data it will determine how many hours of sleep you will need to get to reduce your sleep debt and then provide recommendations on when you go to sleep and when you get up so you can reduce that debt. It’s been life-changing for me.
There are so many books, articles, and blogs out there about the importance of a morning routine for a fulfilling, productive life. I will admit I may have read them all over the last three years. It has been my mission to craft a morning routine that actually makes me look forward to getting out of bed, which is increasingly hard in the cold winter months when I have the coziest freaking bed in the world. It’s like sleeping on a bed of clouds, wrapped in warm flannel sheets and a thick fluffy duvet engulfing you in sweet bliss while the vent from the heater blows billows of warm air down on you. I literally could not love our bed more, I may even have to do a blog post just about our bed to really paint the full picture but suffice to say it is NOT easy to want to part with that wonderful coziness. This means my morning really has to start off right otherwise I can find myself hitting snooze a kajillion times and jumping back in bed until the only thing I have time to do before I leave the house is throw on clothes and brush my teeth. So, as you can see, a dire situation with me and my morning routine thus the three years of research and testing things out. I’m going to share what works for me and provide a few options to try out so you can work to create your perfect morning routine and really look forward to starting your day.
For me, I need to know that the start to my morning is going to be slow, calm, peaceful and filled with something I truly enjoy. For me, that is a great cup of coffee. I use the Nespresso machine with their espresso capsules and their frother which creates the most light and airy milk you’ve ever had for a perfect latte. A good cup of coffee in a sexy mug first thing in the morning is a little slice of heaven. For you, it may be a hot cup of tea or some other beverage of choice. It doesn’t have to be a beverage even, just figure out what will work for you and be sure it is something you REALLY love and will look forward to.
Once I’m up and I’ve got my milk going in the frother I take about 3-5 minutes to stretch my entire body. This helps me to wake up a little and just feels really good. I go in my living room in front of our large window where I can also get any little bit of natural light during those times of year when the sun is up by 5:45am. Having either natural or even artificial light right away will help your body to adjust. This all ties back to your circadian rhythm that helps you wake up in the morning and fall asleep at night. Another fascinating subject I recommend you explore and which I will touch on more in a future blog about sleep and the importance of a great nighttime routine. Before I take a sip of my coffee I take my Seed prebiotic/probiotic and my supplements since my prebiotic/probiotic needs to be taken on an empty stomach.
After I’ve finished stretching and my coffee is all ready to go, I sit down at my kitchen counter with my notebook and my planner. I use one notebook for everything in my life, both personal and professional, as I find it makes it so much easier to have it all in one place that I can easily reference as needed. In my notebook I jot down the day of the week and the date and then I also note what day it is in my infradian rhythm cycle, what phase of my cycle I’m in, and maybe a small note about how I’m feeling or any symptoms I have. If you menstruate once a month, you hopefully have some idea of what I’m talking about and if not I HIGHLY recommend you read In the Floby Alisa Vitti and get acquainted with your beautiful body. I cannot express how much this can change your life for the better if you learn about the phases of your cycle and the superpowers you can tap into during each phase. For example, today I am in day 24 of my cycle and day 9 of my Luteal phase so my focus is on details and completion of tasks making this a great day to write in my blog. So, after I note down those little details, I do my gratitude journaling. I sip my coffee and I write down five things I am grateful for. This could be something as small as being grateful for the amazing cup of coffee I’m enjoying in the moment or thinking about the smile I exchanged with the elderly lady I held the elevator for the day before. I think back over the last twenty-four hours and I look for those moments. Doing this small practice just helps me start my day in such a great mood because I am starting on a note of positivity.
When I finish my gratitude journal, I review my day in my planner, (yes physical planner, more on that another time) and then I write down the ten goals I am currently working on. I got this idea from the inspiring Miss Rachel Holliswhich is something she calls 10/10/1. It’s ten dreams, over ten years, focused on one dream at a time. So I write down my ten goals I’m working on and then really hone in on the one I am currently working on. I meditate for a few minutes about how I’m going to be working towards that goal throughout the day and the week.
Next, I write down my 12 Rules For Joy. This is something I created for myself which is basically my set of mantras I want to live by every day to be the best version of myself. Check out my blog post and create your own 12 Rules for Joy. It may seem silly and repetitive but I like to write these down every day. I find when I physically write them it forces me to pause for a moment and think about how I want to show up in the world.
After I finish my gratitude journal, my 10/10/1 goals review, and my 12 Rules For Joy then I head out to our workout area. I have all my things like my yoga mat, my weights, my resistance bands, my Pilates ring, and our Peloton. I use an amazing workout created by and for women called Tone It Up. I cannot even begin to express how much this little app has changed my life but it has definitely been a game changer. I do a guided workout of about 20-30 minutes in length. I towel off, chug some water, then head back inside to have a boiled egg for some quick protein before heading upstairs to get ready for the day ahead.
I always take my shower the night before so it only takes me about 30-40 minutes total to get ready and out the door in the morning. On my way out I make my breakfast smoothie which consists of Tone It Up Vanilla Protein, flax seeds, frozen blueberries & bananas, a fiber prebiotic mix, amino acids, Tone It Up Marine Collagen peptides, and a super greens powder, with some almond milk and water all thrown into my blender for about 30 seconds. I throw the smoothie in my Yeti and head out the door, ready for another beautiful day of life on this earth!
So, to recap, here is what works for me. Hopefully you will find some little nuggets that work for you in creating your own morning routine that will have you popping out of bed and eager to start your day.
Have something you really look forward to first thing in the morning to help you pop out of bed. On a small side note here: Do NOT hit snooze. Research has shown it really messes with your sleep cycle and makes you so much more tired than if you’d just gotten out of bed.
Do a gratitude journal. Take a few moments to meditate and think about all you have that is good in your life and what you’d like to get out of the day.
Move your body for 20-30 minutes to get your energy up. Or just get in a nice good full-body stretch.
Eat a healthy but light breakfast that includes foods you actually enjoy eating. My morning smoothie is super delicious but also very nutritious. You can find a variety of smoothies to try here.
For as long as I can remember, my mom has been a letter-writer of the first order. She loves to write letters because she also loves to receive letters and any letter-writer in the know understands the two go hand-in-hand. Every letter she writes and sends out into the world includes a small part of herself and her beautiful spirit through her artwork. She wants the letter to arrive and at the mere sight of the envelope for a little smile to alight on the lips of the receiver. Sometimes she includes just a sketch of a small delicate bird found in the top right corner above the date. Other times it’s a cute cartoon doodle of any well-known character that could be found in the Sunday comics section of the newspaper.
When it was addressed to my son, it came in the form of a small homemade card made with a regular piece of paper, cut in half and then folded. The cover would include something like a Calvin & Hobbes comic book scene of a snowball fight or Tom chasing Jerry around the room with a large broom in hand. Anytime my son was sick as a child, my mom would start the fun with the envelope itself and finish the rest of the cartoon story inside the card from front to back, woven in and around the words saying, “We miss you lots and hope you feel better very soon!” I remember the look of importance on his face when I came in the with the mail and told him he had a letter from Nana!
The art of letter writing is something that has diminished over time with younger generations but it is still one of the most beautiful ways I can think of to connect with another human being. It shows you are willing to give your most valuable thing you have, your time, to find a piece of paper and pen, sit down, and take a few moments to let someone know you are thinking of them. When it arrives in the recipient’s mailbox, it is a wonderful little surprise, a small present waiting to be unwrapped that they had no idea was coming. Think about the last time you received a letter. Do you remember the small smile that played at the corner of your lips when you saw it in the stack of mail brought in from the mailbox? The little thrill you got pondering what the writer may have to report to you about the small every day going-on’s of their life? Think of it like scrolling through Instagram or Twitter to see what your friends are up to except it’s an update just for you, directly to you, and only you get to open it, hold it in your hands, and cherish it forever.
For the last fourteen years or so my mom and I have been somewhat estranged. It’s not something either of us want but something that doesn’t seem to be able to be helped as I cannot change her beliefs and she cannot accept my right to have my own. Strangely though, it has in no way diminished my love of or idolization of my mother as the best kind of woman I’ve ever known. She is my hero in every way. Even her ability to stand by what she believes despite all obstacles, even despite all the pain and suffering it brings to her, is something I can admire. And now, I am using the art of letter writing that she she taught me to keep her in my life. Once a week, I sit down at my desk, take out a piece of paper or a nice piece of stationary I know she will appreciate, and I tell her about the going-on’s of my life. I tell her all of the highlights of my week. For me, letter-writing is now the lifeline connecting my life with my mom’s. Despite any and all differences we have, I know that I can give her one small special moment in her week, a letter waiting for her in her mailbox to open. It is a reminder to her of how much I love her and that I am thinking of her. I cannot think of anything quite so magical as that.
A few years ago I read an amazing book that set me on a journey to learn more about a subject that all humans are naturally drawn to: happiness. That book was Gretchin Rubin‘s, “The happiness project: or why I spent a year trying to sing in the morning, clean my closets, fight right, read Aristotle, and generally have more fun”. The author spends a year trying out various hacks to see what contributes to having more happiness every day in her life. As it turns out, it’s all the little things.
There is a section in the book where Rubin talks about coming up with her list of Commandments. These are kind of a roadmap for the 12 months of her Happiness Project where she lays out for herself a list of guidelines she wants to live by. I had also recently been reading through Jordan Peterson‘s 12 Rules for Life which is a very long, detailed book about his recommendations to how to lead your life in a way that contributes to the overall betterment of society. Reading these two books so close together led me to create something of a mix of the two ideas that worked for me. I created my 12 rules for joy. These are 12 things that represent my core values for how I want to live my life with more joy, connection, and love while staying true to the most authentic version of myself that I want to show up as every day. Every morning when I sit down to do my gratitude journal and review my 10/10/1 (more on that later – Rachel Hollis is a genius), I also write my 12 rules for joy. I write them, read them, think about them, and then go out and try to live my life by them. Do I achieve all of them every day? Absolutely not. But by writing them down, sitting with them, and thinking about how I CAN achieve them each day, I am definitely closer to being the person I want to be every day. I’m going to share mine below and then provide some guidelines on how you can create your own. I promise you, if you are a personal growth nut like me, it will be worth every second. And even if you’re not, from my experience it will definitely add to your daily joy. Here they are.
my 12 rules for joy
Be Jeni
It’s ok to say no
Embrace the suck
Only look back to see how far you’ve come
Slow down, be quiet, listen
Love and believe in yourself always
Refuse to be anyone’s victim
Get outside, you love it out there!
“Have courage and be kind” ~ Cinderella
Believe in the abundance of the universe
Show up for others and lead by example
“Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business” ~ Rachel Hollis
I encourage anyone who is looking to add a little joy to their day and to their life to create their own 12 rules for joy. It takes just a few minutes and can add just a little more happiness to your day. My recommendation is to get a pen and paper and write these out. It’s a more personal experience, and it will help you to remember them better so you can refer to them throughout the day. I do this often, especially when I see myself facing something that is going to push my buttons or cause me to react in a way I will not be proud of. This could be something as small as feeling in a place of lack, aka, not enough time, not enough money, not enough help. That’s when I’ll remind myself of #10, “Believe in the abundance of the universe”. Or when I feel overwhelmed with everything on my plate I can use #5, “Slow down, be quiet, listen” and recenter myself. Maybe I’m doing that thing again where I am tying my value to my productivity, then I will call on #6, “Love and believe in yourself always”. And of course, when I am in traffic or in a line waiting somewhere and someone is being a jerk, I will use the words of Cinderella and try to, “Have courage and be kind” so I can avoid reacting in a way that does not represent who I want to be.
Here are some quick pointers to get you started:
Take a moment to think about what your core values are. This could include asking yourself questions like: who do I want to be, what matters most to me in this world, who do I want to show up as for myself or for those I care about?
Just start writing. You can create a whole page or two of things to get the juices flowing and then go back, review, and pick those top 12 that best represent you, who you are, and who you want to be.
Once you have your final 12, I also recommend writing these on a piece of paper and sticking it somewhere you can see it every day. I have mine taped up in my closet but your spot might be a bulletin board where you keep reminders, or on your bathroom mirror. Choose the place that works best for you where you will catch at least a glimpse of the list every day in passing.
Write them down every morning when you have your first cup of coffee, tea, or whatever your beverage of choice is to start your day.
I hope this idea brings some joy to your day today and helps you in leading a happier, healthier life!
Fall is here! And it’s time to see what all of our favorite book clubs have chosen for their recent picks. It’s an awesome way to find your next great book or just see what’s out there. We’ll look at three popular book clubs I like to follow. Let’s get started!
Reese’s Book Club
Reese is one of my all-time fave people and I’ve read quite a few good finds from Reese’s recs. The most recent pick is Society of Lies by Lauren Ling Brown. The book explores the idea of how far we may go to feel like we belong. Author Julia Bartz describes it as “a dark and haunting debut that explores secret societies, the bonds of sisterhood, and the intricacies of privilege at an elite college…I couldn’t put this twisty tale down.”
Oprah’s Book Club
Early last year I read the memoir of Priscilla Presley and while the writing was a little bleak her story was very eye-opening so when I saw Oprah’s recent pick is From Here to the Great Unknown by Lisa Marie Presley and Riley Keough I was pretty excited. My mom loved Elvis when I was growing up and I have many fond memories of listening to his music and watching his movies with her. Also, I ever since I watched Daisy and the Six I’m kind of obsessed with Riley Keough. On OprahDaly.com it is described as, “Alternating between the voices of Lisa Marie Presley and her daughter, Riley Keough, this memoir takes readers behind the famous musical gates of Graceland—and beyond, to a world of unfathomable wealth, impossible familial legacy, unthinkable loss, and unending love.” It’s told in alternating narrative between Lisa Marie Preslie and her daughter Riley Keough as looks to be very intriguing.
Kaia Gerber’s Book Club
Kaia’s last pick is Dear Dickhead by Virginie Despentes as translated by Frank Wynn and looks to be a very interesting read. Here is the synopsis from libraryscience.net. “Oscar is a B-list novelist in his forties. He used to be an alcoholic and a cokehead, but now he keeps himself busy by ranting on social media. When Rebecca, an actress whose looks he insulted, sends him an angry email, they strike up a combative correspondence–at the very moment that Oscar is accused of sexual harassment by his former publicist. What ensues is a no-holds-barred conversation about life under the patriarchy, and above all about addiction–to drugs, to alcohol, to the internet, to rage.”
There’s a little bit for everyone from these three: a thrilling mystery from Reese, a memoir from Oprah and some realist fiction from Kaia. Enjoy!
There’s this idea I’ve been toying with lately. It’s not a new idea but it feels big and new to me. It’s this idea of letting go of some things so we can hold on to others. Most people have heard the saying that when you say yes to something that also means you’re saying no to something else. When we keep adding things to our plate everything can’t fit so things inevitably fall off. The question is, what do we allow to fall off when we pile on the next thing? Are we even aware of what’s falling off? How do we keep it all together? Do we have to?
In thinking through this concept, I’ve come across some really great articles. It started with this Goop article, How to Let Go (When There’s Always More to Do), from psychotherapist Annie Armstrong Miyao. One of the exercises Miyao suggests is to create a list of your values, of what matters to you and brings meaning into your life. It might be as simple as having a great cup of coffee in the early morning quiet while letting the sun warm your face. When you’re in that moment, how do you feel all throughout your body? You want to create a list of about ten items that can serve as your guideposts. These are things you don’t want to give up no matter what, things that you hold sacred. When someone asks you to do something such that by saying yes to that thing, you would be losing out on being able to do one of those things you hold sacred, then that is your sign to say no.
In the article, Let Go of What Was to Make Space for What Will Be, Krista O’Reilly-Davi-Digui, builds an insightful argument around minimalism and how it can help us lead a happier life. There are many degrees of minimalism from the extreme, think Elon Musk and no earthly possessions, to the going through your closet and possessions to see what no longer brings you joy. Being able to let go of some things in our life that no longer serve us can open up unexpected and new opportunities. We have to be ready to be uncomfortable with the unknown. Also, having less “things” to worry about can reduce our stress. There have been many articles written about Steve Jobs “uniform” of a black turtleneck with jeans or Mark Zuckerberg with his t-shirts and hoodies. By minimizing their wardrobe they reduce their decision-making, leaving more room in their psyche for other more important things to focus their energy on. Krista O’Reilly-Davi-Digui says, “Only then can we shake off the unessential, eliminate, reduce. Craft a life that is uncluttered and rich with purpose. A life with room to breathe so that we are freed up to share our voice and gifts. Whatever the excess that overstuffs our life we are served by getting honest about why we hold on tight.
This is the way to freedom.”
What will you let go of so you can hold on to only what you love?
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